She's Sunshine Mixed with a Little Hurricane

Growing up I was taught to “be good”, “behave”, “don’t cause trouble for others”, and while the intention behind those messages were good, it taught me to bottle up my negative emotions so I would be “easy” and “polite” and “well behaved” and “independent”. Those were the things I was praised for growing up, and then later in life at one of my serving/bartending jobs I was “calm and collected under pressure”. So it did serve me well to a certain extent. I’ve always been a likable person, easy to get along with. However, where this started to affect me negatively was, I started to feel like if I showed negative emotions, I wouldn’t be accepted, loved or chosen.

Emotions are just information. It’s E(nergy in)MOTION. Emotion just wants to be felt, heard and released.

I’ve gone through most of my life, staying quiet when something bothers me, doing my best to keep the peace and be easy. I’ve also gone through most of my life with upper-back and shoulder pain. I went to a massage therapist, and she told me “you’re holding all your stress here”. Which is half true, emotion is absolutely being held there, but it wasn’t exactly stress.

Emotion does get stuck in the body, in different areas depending on what the message is. In my case, the upper back was trying to show me that I felt like I lacked emotional support. One of the body’s main jobs is to show us where we are emotionally imbalanced. So when you think about any ailment in the body, it’s your body trying to communicate with you. But no one teaches this, not even the medical system. That’s why it’s so easy to just give out meds to cover up the symptoms, but it rarely heals the body.

Anyway, back to emotions. I know I’m not unique in sharing how I was taught to bottle up my emotions in order to be acceptable to society. It’s a societal norm pushed on all of us. But this norm needs to change because it’s also wreaking havoc on all of us.

So what’s the solution? To start feeling your emotions. Did you know the average emotion only needs 90 seconds to be felt? NINETY SECONDS. You can do anything for 90 seconds. But because we were all taught to hold it in, there is a major collective fear that if we let it out, everything will come out all at once and we might never stop crying or feeling what’s been bottled up our entire lives. But it only takes 90 seconds to release the one that’s bubbled at the top. The one that’s begging you to feel and release it.

If you ask anyone close to me, who has known me for years they will tell you, that every now and again, when I’m at the verge of being reborn into an upgraded version of myself, I sometimes have to “throw a spiritual tantrum”. I’ve more recently named this Hurricane Emma.

For the longest time I would have my hurricane moment, cry, explode, speak out loud all of my limiting beliefs; and then feel immediate regret and embarrassment that I let go of control like that. But recently, after about my 3rd hurricane moment in 6 years with my partner as the witness, ALL. THREE. TIMES. I finally released the regret and embarrassment. Because the last time it happened, I realized I felt better, I was able to see my path forward more clearly, and my partner didn’t leave me.

I had done it, I had expressed my negative emotions and was still accepted, loved and chosen. It was in those moments of clarity that I actually took a step toward loving my hurricane moments. I realized they were a necessary part of my upleveling. I got into my car and listened to the song Bitch by Meredith Brooks, which if you don’t know the song, it says:

“I'm a bitch, I'm a loverI'm a child, I'm a motherI'm a sinner, I'm a saintI do not feel ashamedI'm your Hell, I'm your dreamI'm nothing in betweenYou know you wouldn't want it any other way”

As I drove and listened to this song, I accepted myself fully. I realized I’m not just a “good girl” who never causes problems for others and hides all negative emotions in order to be digestible. I’m a muthafuckin human who has a range of emotions that are equally valid and necessary. I embraced Hurricane Emma that day, and that was my uplevel.

It’s always the part of us that we think should be hidden that will get us to the next level in life, love and personal growth. I can’t promise that some people won’t leave when we show them those parts, but the ones who stay are the ones worth your while.

So the next time you’re feeling emotional, take 90 seconds. Listen to what the emotion is trying to communicate with you and release it and remember, it could be the beginning of your uplevel. Everyone talks about “living their best life”, but most aren’t taking the actions to actually live their best life, they’re covering it up with food, shopping and vacations.

Your best life is on the other side of the feelings you keep pushing down. I have tools for emotional release so if you’re one of the ones who is striving to live your actual best life (hint you are if you made it this far), reach out and I’d gladly share some tools with you.

-Emma